Harry Potter and the Emerald Staff
by MikeStringfellow
Summary: Deep beneath the deepest dungeon of Hogwarts lies a chamber into which only one may pass. Inside this room is a staff which gives the chosen one the greatest power imaginable. WARNING: Contains STRONG examples of self harm and depression, it's very graphi
1. The Disturbed Youth

Harry Potter and the Emerald Staff  
  
All of the characters and ongoing storylines in this fic belong to J K Rowling. I am not making any money out of this; it's just a bit of fun.  
  
Chapter 1 – The Disturbed Youth  
  
Harry Potter sat in his room in his 'home' for the summer, Number 4 Privet Drive. Home was used in the loosest possible sense. This house was about as far from home for Harry as was imaginable for the occupants of the house, Harry's thin, nosy aunt, large, bad tempered uncle and frankly obscenely overweight cousin, prided themselves on being a nice, normal family. Harry was about as far from normal as was possible for them. Harry was a wizard and not just any old wizard, in the wizarding world his name was known by everyone and being the name of the 'Boy who lived.'  
  
At this moment in time, however, Harry did not care about this title, not that he'd ever been very fond of it. At this moment, Harry did not want to be among the living, he could not live with his responsibility, his sense of guilt. His very existence had caused far too much death. First his parents, if it wasn't for that bloody prophesy they would still be alive. Second Cedric Diggory, if Voldemort hadn't needed Harry for his resurrection then Cedric would still be alive. Finally Sirius Black, Harry's godfather, the only father figure that Harry had ever really had. Ever since Sirius had escaped from prison almost 3 years previously, he and Harry had developed a close bond. That was until Harry had believed a stupid vision that Voldemort had placed in his head and run off to the Ministry of Magic to 'save' Sirius only to end up getting his killed.  
  
Harry raised the knife in his already bloodied hand and brought it slashing down against his arm again, the resulting blood oozing down his scarred arm and on to his hand. Harry had been through a lot in the five years since he had found out that he was a wizard. All of the emotional pain of these situations was now flowing as freely as the blood running down his arm.  
  
Tears stung Harry's eyes as he continued to raise the knife and open new cuts in his arms in swift slashing movements. The tears were not from the pain of the knife; Harry could barely feel the sharp metal blade carve into his bare flesh. The tears were from the pain that had been buried deep inside him. Harry had continued to carry the ultimate burden of his existence throughout his other tribulations. He had never had any sort of mother or father figure in his life before he met Sirius; he had had no one to share any of his problems with. He went back every summer to the Dursley's, his aunt uncle and cousin, house where he was forbidden to talk about magic at all, so he had kept all of his feelings bottled up, until now.  
  
Harry had come home from one of his wanderings at the beginning of the holidays to find that the Dursleys had all gone out and left him to prepare dinner. While he was making dinner he accidentally cut his finger with the knife he was using to slice the carrots. The pain of the cut gave him some sort of vindictive pleasure; he felt that he deserved the pain. When he had finished making dinner he took the knife with him back to his room and had stayed there ever since. His aunt had been forced to push his food through the cat flap that had been installed there a few years earlier, but Harry just picked at the food, he did not feel like eating, all he cared about was revenge, revenge on himself for all the suffering that he had caused other people.  
  
Harry didn't even look up as a small owl flew in through the small gap between his shut curtains and deposited a letter on to his bed and flew off again. Harry didn't seem to notice the letter that was on his bed or it's bright red envelope that seemed to be squirming as if wanting to let something out of it. It wouldn't go un-noticed for long, however.  
  
HARRY POTTER! Why won't you write back to Ron or Hermionie or me? Can't you see that we were hurt by what happened as well? Don't you dare wallow in your own self-pity, you are coming to The Burrow in three days and you had better be ready!  
  
The letter gave a small growl and shrivelled up and burned itself into ashes. Harry just stared at his wall, Ginny Weasley's words ringing around inside his head. He did not notice the knife leave his hand and fall to the floor with a dull thud against the thin carpet. He did not answer when his uncle demanded to know what all the noise was about. He knew his uncle wouldn't dare enter his room so he just stared at the wall instead wondering why Ginny, his best friend's little sister, of all people had sent him the howler.  
  
This can't have been the same Ginny Weasley who was so frightened by his presence in her house before he was about to start his second year that he had caused her to yelp and scarper back up the stairs, not the same Ginny Weasley who couldn't look Harry in the eye without blushing. This Ginny was different; she was harder, becoming a woman. Harry had not noticed this before but as he looked back over his fifth year, Ginny's fourth, he could remember her being a formidable witch then too, he obviously had had too much on his mind for it to register until now.  
  
Harry was still staring at the wall, these thoughts rattling around his head, when tiredness finally caught up with him and he slumped down into an exhausted sleep. 


	2. Dreams and Decisions

Harry Potter and the Emerald Staff  
  
All of the characters and ongoing storylines in this fic belong to J K Rowling. I am not making any money out of this; it's just a bit of fun.  
  
Chapter 2 – Dreams and Decisions  
  
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry shuddered again as it was struck again by another barrage of spells. Voldemort stood in the middle of the grounds as his forces surged backwards, the force of their spells making them cower into their black cloaks.  
  
Harry Potter stood motionless, helpless inside Gryffindor Tower. All he could do was watch as the school he loved was pounded again and again by the terrifying might of Voldemort's army of Death Eaters. Harry wished he could get out to face Voldemort but he couldn't seem to move his legs, try as he might to get there he just couldn't. He screamed in outrage as the school was hit again but he couldn't even hear his own voice over the thunderous noise of the school collapsing around him. Harry continued to scream as huge pieces of stone and enormous wooden beams fell from the ceiling above him.  
  
Harry was still screaming when his eyes popped open and he wasn't the only one.  
  
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU YELLING ABOUT BOY?!" Came the booming voice of Harry's uncle Vernon.  
  
Harry ignored his uncle and sat up looking around at his room, the darkened space in which he had spent the past several weeks just sat in. Harry sat in silence and tried with all his might to remember what the nightmare had been about, knew it had been horrific and possibly important but he just couldn't quite remember it. He heard his uncle grunt and make his way down the stairs; he had obviously figured that Harry wasn't going to dignify him with a response. The darkness welled up inside Harry again just as it had every morning during the holidays so far. Since he had gotten the knife he felt that he could control this darkness and stay sane. This morning when he reached for the knife he remembered Ginny and stopped himself. He couldn't just carry on like this. Instead of the knife he grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill and started to write short notes to Ron, Hermionie and Mr and Mrs Weasley apologising for his lack of correspondence and telling them he was fine. Last of all he wrote to Ginny. He felt like he owed her for bringing him out of his trance, and felt like he could open up to her like he couldn't with his friends.  
  
Dear Ginny  
  
You were right; I can't just carry on like this. I have written to Ron, Hermionie and you're parents apologising to them and telling them that I'm fine. I feel like I owe you the truth though. I haven't been fine at all. I've been crying every day and I've done some stuff that I'm not proud of. I can't really explain it in a letter but if you could spare some of you're time when I'm at The Burrow I could try and explain to you then. I feel like I can talk to you about it because of what you went through in you're first year at the hands of Voldemort. Thank you so much for your letter.  
  
Harry  
  
Harry then tied the 3 letters for the Weasleys into a bundle and then gave this bundle along with Hermionie's to Hedwig, Harry's snowy owl.  
  
"Hedwig," Harry said, "this letter is for Hermionie and the rest are for the Weasleys. Do you understand." Hedwig nodded, eager to get into the air again and deliver the letters. Harry watched her soar out of the window and out of sight.  
  
Harry remembered how graceful Hedwig had always been and how loyal and prompt in delivering any letter that Harry might want to be sent. He remembered how useful she had been when he had been contacting Sirius while he was on the run from the ministry.  
  
He sat back down on his bed, tears in his eyes, and looked at the knife on the floor where he had left it the previous night. He felt an overwhelming urge to feel that sharp steel blade bite into his skin again, but he knew he couldn't. Ginny had been right, he couldn't let the emotion get to him. He must be strong. Right now he did not feel strong at all but he knew he could not hurt himself. He flung himself face down into his bed clothes and cried what felt like enough tears to fill the lake at Hogwarts as he thought about Sirius' escape from prison and flight from the ministry. He remembered how supportive Sirius had been of him and how Sirius only wanted him to be happy and safe. He remembered Sirius' offer of having Harry live with him when they were at Hogwarts and had thought Sirius would be able to clear his name.  
  
Hogwarts. Suddenly Harry remembered his dream. Could Hogwarts really be in danger? It was so well protected but what if those wards were to fail? Harry felt his jaw set, his eyes hardened. He would be ready. He would train. He had to kill Voldemort and he was buggered if his friends were going to he hurt or killed in the process.  
  
Harry had thought a lot about the prophecy ever since Dumbledore had told him what it contained at the end of the last school year. However, this was the first time that Harry had felt so sure about what he was going to do. He could feel the power running though his veins. He could see himself standing over the lifeless body of Voldemort. Harry now felt no qualms about killing him. It was what he had to do.  
  
***  
  
Voldemort stood in a small clearing in a forest many miles away from where Harry was living, a satisfied expression upon his snakelike face. He knew that Harry Potter was ready to face him. He finally had a worthy adversary who he could crush in battle with some sort of pride in his own abilities. Voldemort took one last look at the quiet forest, turned around and was gone with a swish of his cloak. 


	3. Back at The Burrow

Harry Potter and the Emerald Staff  
  
All of the characters and ongoing storylines in this fic belong to J K Rowling. I am not making any money out of this; it's just a bit of fun.  
  
Chapter 3 – Back at The Burrow  
  
Harry woke up with a start as a shaft of sunlight burned through his window and into his closed eyes. He sat up and suddenly remembered that this morning he would be heading to The Burrow. He had served the three weeks necessary at the Dursley's house and was now free to leave, his blood protection intact.  
  
Harry jumped off his bed, causing it to creak hideously in protest, and started hurriedly packing up his trunk so that he would be ready for 10:00 when members of the order would pick him up. There would be no cold, wet broomstick ride this year. Now that the ministry were taking Dumbledore seriously the order were able to borrow a ministry car to escort Harry to The Burrow safely.  
  
At 9:30 Harry went downstairs to grab a quick breakfast before he waited for his lift. Uncle Vernon had already gone to work and Dudley was out with his friends so Harry walked in to the kitchen to find Aunt Petunia say on her own.  
  
"Hello Aunt Petunia," Harry said and started his breakfast. Once he had finished he thought he had better tell his aunt where he was going. "I'm going to stay with my friends for the rest of the summer."  
  
"Ok." Was all Aunt Petunia said.  
  
"Aunt Petunia, are you ok?" Harry asked, concerned for his aunt. He had always liked her more than the rest of the Dursleys, probably due to her connection with his mother.  
  
"Yes, it's just you're uncle." Said Aunt Petunia faintly, "His deal didn't go through yesterday and he got a little upset and had too much to drink." She the side of her face, subconsciously as she said this.  
  
Harry took a closer look at where his aunt had touched her face and could see a jagged cut. He hadn't noticed it before because Aunt Petunia had attempted to cover it up with makeup. "That good for nothing bastard." Harry growled, angry with his uncle for mistreating his wife. He knew how his aunt had felt, Uncle Vernon had used to hit him too, that was until Harry started at Hogwarts and started learning magic, the thing that his uncle feared more than anything.  
  
"Don't worry about..." Harry's aunt started but he cut her off.  
  
"Don't worry about it?!" Harry yelled, "That dickhead is beating you up and you say don't worry about it? You think I don't know how it feels?"  
  
Harry did not notice that the clock on the wall of the kitchen now read 10:05. There was an almighty crash and the front door flew open.  
  
"Harry? Harry?" came a familiar voice sounding very worried indeed.  
  
"Professor Lupin?" said Harry  
  
"There you are, I was worried, I heard shouting."  
  
Harry's anger returned full force. "That's because that good for nothing fuckwit that I have for an uncle has been beating Aunt Petunia up." He said, his voice deadly calm.  
  
"What? Are you ok Mrs Dursley?" Lupin asked in a concerned voice.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine." She snapped, "And even if I wasn't, I would not tell you about it. Now get out of my house and take the boy with you."  
  
Lupin hastily retreated hearing the heat in his voice, "Ok let's go Harry, you got you're stuff? Good, let's go."  
  
They went out to the car where Tonks was waiting for them.  
  
"Wotcher Harry!" said Tonks cheerily, "You ok?"  
  
"I'm fine thanks." Said Harry in a voice that sounded anything but fine but Tonks didn't press it and the journey to The Burrow passed in silence.  
  
Harry was glad for this silence, it gave him time to think about what had been happening. He couldn't help but feel sorry for his aunt. She obviously didn't want his pity but in the moments before Lupin had entered the house, Harry had almost felt close to his aunt. For those brief moments Harry had felt like he had had something that he hadn't had since Sirius died, a parent.  
  
He could relate to her now, he knew how she was feeling. She obviously didn't want any pity and wanted to be on her own. It was for different reasons than Harry but he knew that the feelings were the same.  
  
"Poor Aunt Petunia" he breathed.  
  
"What was that Harry?" Lupin asked turning his head around to look at him.  
  
"Oh, nothing. It's fine." Said Harry and the car returned to silence.  
  
Soon after this they had arrived at The Burrow. Harry stepped out of the car and looked up to see a flash of red and suddenly he was engulfed in an enormous hug. It was such a nice hug that Harry didn't want to let go, he felt so at peace and wanted to be in those arms forever. When he did he found out just who had hugged him and blushed when he found himself looking straight into Ginny Weasley's eyes.  
  
"Errm, hi Ginny." He said, embarrassed at how much he had enjoyed her hug.  
  
"Hiya Harry!" said Ginny cheerfully, "Come on inside, everyone's waiting for you."  
  
Her cheeriness was infectious, a real smile crossed Harry's lips, the first in a long time and he picked up his trunk and followed Ginny into The Burrow. As he crossed the threshold he stopped and took a deep breath, his smile broadened, he had not realised how much he missed the wizarding world, such was his dread of everyone wanting to talk about Sirius with him. But Ginny had made that better, he walked into the Weasley's living room with a satisfied smile still playing about his lips.  
  
He was back. 


End file.
